Past Tense After Dark 2022
Located in Lapeer, Michigan, is the Past Tense Cider Mill. The mill at first glance is a serene location, with a tiny country store up front, with the mill off to the left, with a large water wheel rotating at a leisurely pace. A stream runs underneath the bridge that needs to be crossed to get into the mill itself, which houses a small restaurant as well as the location to buy cider, donuts and other treats. By all accounts, this is a peaceful location that is a perfect picturesque representative of what you would conjure in your mind when you hear the word Autumn. However, behind the mill screams pierce the silence, with the sounds of chainsaw echoing through the darkness. Walking deeper into the night, you find people running out of the back of a house, just escaping mad men that are desperate to keep guests at the cider mill permanently. A tractor slowly goes around the perimeter of the grounds, picking up monsters that want to play with the frightened passengers. Past Tense After Dark shows that even the most innocent looking locations can have their dark secrets, and in this case, the secret is an impressive old-fashioned farm haunted event, providing quality entertainment and scares for families.
Right next to the ticket booth is where the queue for The Hayride of Despair starts. Once the wagon pulls up, an employee guides guests to their seat and then describes not only the rules of the attraction, but a bit of the history of the event as well. From there a trip around the outskirts of the property again for a ride that lasts around 10 minutes. Certainly not the longest hayride available, however it works well for the circumstances that they have. Past Tense keeps the hayride to about 6 or 7 scenes total, with about 20 actors total throughout the ride. This is a perfect amount of scenes and actors for a hayride that features a shorter ride time. Furthermore, the actors are allowed time to get on the hayride and stalk victims from on the ride itself. Each scene sees the actors be given a good amount of time to go for scares. It is also nice to see that each scene is different from each other, ranging from a ritual, to electricians having a killer work day, to clowns having quite the fun party. The variety helps to keep things fresh and there are little breaks in between scenes due to actors being given the freedom to hang out on the wagon for minutes. The energy is kept high by interactions between actors and guests, with monsters demanding to know names, or having props that they demand be touched or smelled. The one major issue for this hayride is that the sets aren't the most impressive and other than the electrician scene, doesn't do much but provide a quick transition or any type of misdirection. Still, a good experience due to packing good actors and scares into a short length.
The Hayride of Despair: 7 / 10
The next attraction we visited was The Corn Maze of Fear. A long trip through the dark corn fields, the eeriness of this attraction is hard to overstate. Long sections of wondering if you are heading in the right direction, while the only sound you hear are the distance screams from other guests, wondering when the next scare would come. On the night we visited, the actors were helped by a steady wind, keeping the cornstalks moving at almost all times. This helped to mask the monsters that hungrily waited in the shadows of the corn, making it hard to know if someone was coming through the corn at you. It created a truly memorable experience that was thrilling to go through. This was helped by actors that got great scares, coming from seemingly all directions, including from below, and providing incredible entertainment. We had hilarious conversations with actors that stalked us after scares that made this just a joy to do. This is as simple of an attraction as a haunted event can do, with the only set design being essentially corn in all directions, leaving you to struggle to find the right path. However, it works really well because the energy inside the maze is off the charts. The tension created by not being sure if you are on the correct path, as well as not knowing if an actor has you in their sights makes this a memorable experience. This was my favorite event of the 3 attractions.
The Corn Maze of Fear 9.5 / 10
The final attraction is the House of Horrors. A haunted house experience that goes between indoor and outdoor scenes, this carries on the theme of the great actors throughout the event. Rather it be undead hillbillies guiding you through the woods, to a bellhop that seems just slightly off guiding you to your room in a hotel, as well as a clown that enjoys exploiting fears deeper into the attraction, the actors all gleefully hit their goals of scares. This does has some decent set design, especially the first few halls of the hotel, this house will not be confused with the big spenders of the industry, but it still uses what it has to good effect. A decent part of the house is completely dark with the only guide being your own outstretched hands, desperately seeking the path of the walls to understand where you need to go. It is a cheap option but it is still an effective way to build tension. However, there are no actors in these sections, so the tension is built with nothing to cut it. The finale of the house is also rather lackluster, with no major scare to end the house, hurting the memorability of the attraction. Still though, good actors help to make this an above average event, and some of the other scenes do have an impact.
House of Horrors 7.5 / 10
Past Tense After Dark was mentioned by an employee as a family-run Halloween attraction. Going through the event shows that this statement holds true. The event comes off as a farm event that has slowly started to disappear over more and more here in the state of Michigan. Don't get me wrong, tech-filled haunts with elaborate sets are incredible experiences, and are a spectacle to behold. However, the appeal of smaller family events are still a joy. A simple haunt that ends with cider and donuts, around a bonfire that everyone can come to and share their experiences. Past Tense is one of these locations. Not a single animatronic is used inside the house, and special effects are kept to a minimum as well. However, what makes this house, and others like it, special, are the people that put in the work to get the scares. A highly enjoyable multi-attraction experience, that would be perfect for families and those seeking some above-average scares.
Overall 8 / 10
